a gust of wind
and all the leaves but one
flutter to the ground --
and then and then and
then until the end
Ribbons, 9:3, Winter 2014
Bob Lucky
Chinese Translation (Traditional)
一陣大風
除了一片葉子，所有葉子
都被搖落到地面 --
然後 然後 然後
直到一切都停止
Chinese Translation (Simplified)
一阵大风
除了一片叶子，所有叶子
都被摇落到地面 --
然後 然後 然後
直到一切都停止
Bio Sketch
Bob Lucky is the author of the chapbook Ethiopian Time and the content editor at Contemporary Haibun Online. He lives in Saudi Arabia.
Bob's audacious use of repetition is emotionally effective, not only expanding the reader's mental space but also lifting the poem up a notch. This tanka reminds me of one of my own:
ReplyDeletea red leaf
zigzagging
to the ground ...
the sound
of loneliness
Ribbons, 13:1, Winter 2017
Note: for more info. about the effective use of repetition, see my "To the Lighthouse" post, titled "Repetition, Repetition, Repetition," which can be accessed at http://neverendingstoryhaikutanka.blogspot.ca/2013/04/to-lighthouse-repetition-repetition.html